she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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