I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
