life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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