I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
