Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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