Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
