I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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