I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
