there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
