I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
