I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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