Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
