Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
