I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
