are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
