you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
