I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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