I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
