Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
