Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
