Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
