look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
