I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
