my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
this hospital has no fireball
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
