i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
