I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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