awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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