I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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