Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
