I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
