I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
