shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
