She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
