i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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