i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's never too late to be topless.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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