found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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