please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
