where does the pee come out of this thing
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize