Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
