Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
