So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
