I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
