He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
