So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
