Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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