I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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