I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
