I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
