in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
