she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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