You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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