Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize