garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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