we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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