Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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