your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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