Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
