my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
