Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
