My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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