Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
