She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
