4 words: hood of his car
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
