Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
