It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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