Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
