you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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