I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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