We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
