it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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