I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
